How Legolas and Gimli Became Friends
by The Evil Old Woman
Summary: Dialogue in which the Elf and Dwarf find out just how much they have in common - and it's NOTHING to do with slash. Proofread, pretty canon, and hopefully funny.


Disclaimer: Middle-Earth and everything in it is owned by the Tolkien estate. Please don't sue me, not that there's any point in doing so - and not just because I'm not making any money from this waste of time and effort.  
  
  
  
1 "How Legolas and Gimli became friends" by The Evil Old Woman  
  
  
  
All the way from Rivendell to Lothlorien Legolas the Elf and Gimli the Dwarf had openly disliked each other, yet after a few days in Lothlorien, they were suddenly best-buddies-for-life. The professor never explained what exactly what prompted the change, beyond the beneficent atmosphere of Lorien, leading to much speculation…  
  
But The Evil Old Woman knows all, and is here to enlighten the fanchildren of the Internet!  
  
The change came one morning, when Elf and Dwarf found themselves sitting alone and somehow got to talking about their mutual home in the North…  
  
* * *  
  
"I miss my home. I miss the song of the trees, I miss the green light, I miss the laughter of the rivers, I miss the birds who love our folk…"  
  
"And I miss the Lonely Mountain. The King's great hall, the feasts, the splendor…"  
  
"And the merry town of Dale…"  
  
"Ah, the market of Dale! Many carefree days have I spent there!"  
  
"As have I! Do you know the inn of the Crown and Hammer across from Borle's the jeweler? What a wine cellar!" Their eyes lit up as they discussed the shops and inns known to them both, and simultaneously took on a dreamy look as when Gimli mentioned his favorite weapons merchant.  
  
"I wonder if Burleigh and Stronginthearm found a buyer for that beautiful Nargothondian sword." Said the Elf.  
  
"The one with the great sapphire on the pommel? Beautiful piece, exquisite - worth ever swiveing pound of gold he was charging for it!"  
  
"Wasn't it? I was saving up my allowance for it…"  
  
"So was I… Sir, thou art the son of a king. 'Tis a weapon for a prince, truly, surely it should be yours!"  
  
"A Prince I may be, but one with a sad excuse for an allowance!"  
  
"That's terrible - thy father is as rich as a dragon! He should allow you to live in a manner that does credit to his house!"  
  
"Alas, he does not – for surely he is the greatest of Elf-tightwads! Won't buy me a decent sword, won't let me send to Rohan for good mounts… He won't even build me a house in the forest itself – insists I have chambers in that awful, *awful* cave! He cares not how much I suffer for want of air and light and growing things! He says it's that I may be safe in troubled times, but surely he does not wish to pay for the staff!"  
  
"If he's so concerned about your safety, he should buy you that Nargothond sword!"  
  
"He could afford to buy me a dozen if he wanted to but have I a sword good enough to bring to Rivendell? Nay!"  
  
"So that's why you carry just the long knife."  
  
"You see truly! It'd never do to let Elrond see that horrible old dwarf- made sword of mine! And if ever do I ask for a better one or a little extra gold I get the *same old lecture* about him being bankrupt after the Last Alliance and he had to despoil thousands of enemies to get where he is today and I don't know the value of money and on and on and *on*!"  
  
"Bah - at least he knows whereof he speaks! Now *my* father is surely the cheapest of the Dwarf-Lords – only gives me a few gold pieces a week and hand-me-down arms - good ones, though - and rememberest thou how he got his money?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"Somebody *else* kills a bloody dragon for him – and he claims most of its hoard! You'd think one who made his fortune through pure luck would be generous – but no!" Gimli made a frowny face, imitating Gloin. "Every time I need something I hear 'My son when we did live in the Ered Luin I had to work 20 hours a day forging iron to make a living and thou shalt learn the true value of money!' I'm 137 years old and he still treats me like I'm 50! If he wishes to lecture me, it should be about the value of never fighting dragons yourself!"  
  
"How can he treat you so!"  
  
"And the worst of it is…" Gimli's eyes teared up. "All those years we lived poor in the Ered Luin – I worked *for him* as an apprentice! I worked hours just as long as his – and all for my keep and a few pennies a week for beer! And he STILL thinks I need to 'learn the value of money'!"  
  
In all Legolas' long years, he'd never truly realized the kind of horrors mortals had to endure. Work? *Hard* work? Low wages? Long hours? Supporting one's family? Nothing to drink but *beer* - and not even enough of that? His eyes widened and his mouth hung open, as his imagination reeled. No wonder mortals protested not against death, if they had to endure such hardships in life!  
  
His kind Elvish heart was so touched that he completely forgot his dislike of Dwarves, and put a comforting arm around Gimli's shoulders. It took the Dwarf a few moments to control his self-pity, and he gratefully leaned into his companion's side to hide the tears. Finally, a happy thought struck him and he smiled up at the Elf.  
  
"You know, by the time we get back, we'll have been gone a year or more. We'll both have a year's allowance due all at once!"  
  
"You're right – meet in Dale we should, to go on a toot thereof!"  
  
"And if Aragorn gets made king of Gondor – he'll be sure to give us rich rewards! He'll have their whole treasury at his disposal!"  
  
"Imagine the look on Daddy's face should I come home with something nicer than the emeralds he got when Bard was crowned!"  
  
"Ha-hah, that would be a sight for to see!" He smiled broadly and clapped a hand on the Elf's shoulder. "Elf, I'll make thee a deal. If ever we get through this bloody awful quest and see our homes again – first chance we get let's go on a spree in Dale. We'll stay at the Crown and Hammer and drink up their wine cellar and buy up the entire marketplace – and be damned to our skinflint fathers!"  
  
"Dwarf, 'tis a promise!" They shook hands on it, and remained fast friends from that day forward.  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's note: This is more Canon than you'd think.  
  
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